Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
