You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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