no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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