Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
