its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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