Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
