By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this just has baby written all over it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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