He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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