Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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