I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
