Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
