NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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