From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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