I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize