Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
