I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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