thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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