When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
