Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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