I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
