Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
