Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
