I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
