if only i could text you this smell
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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