he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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