I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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