Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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