just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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