we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
