Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize