When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
