I need to stop coming to work sober
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need a beard to bite.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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