Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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