we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
