That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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