so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
