He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
