your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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