I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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