I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
