I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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