those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
