I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
