I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
