bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
