I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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