Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
