Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
