I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
