If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
