MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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