im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
the raccoons are back...
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