at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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