I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
