well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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