allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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