exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
