BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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