Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
