i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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