Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
