I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
