He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
